How to guide

Aim

to gorge yourself on enough free snacks to equate to one standard meal without being kicked out.

Adversaries

The Gamblers	Security	Glassies	The Hostess
the horde pose little threat in their stupefied state of semi-consciousness. your task here is merely to blend in.. but beware, dont get too comfortable or you may find you have joined their ranks..	on the lookout for deadbeats, junkies and drunks.. just dont be one of them. if you are, try appear like you arent.	these seemingly helpful presences are actually the eyes and ears of the hostess. like Odin's ravens she sends them out to gather and relay information.	dont be fooled by her friendly demeanour and treats... she is watching you, very closely, is experienced and cunning and if she senses something is up will not hesitate to eject you from the venue.

The method

to get past the bouncers bring your id, look presentable, walk purposefully, make eye contact but only enough to register them as something on the border between object and sentient being... like if they were a sentient car, but if all cars were sentient so it was no big deal..

once inside assess the lounge layout. pay careful attention to the food stations and the hostess’ regular post. DO NOT go straight to the buffet and start stuffing yourself, you will be kicked out (as evidenced from past experience).

it is important for them to see that you have money. take out a note, wave it around a little bit as you walk about looking for a machine. try locate one comfortably out of the line of vision of the hostess but near the food.

push some buttons.

waste some time...

push some more buttons.

always anticipate you are being watched...

there are various methods available to ensure you spend minimal to no money:

• fake it

  pretend you are playing a machine by pushing buttons and making pokie noises with your mouth (not recommended).
  
  

• 2 cent method

  the 2 cent method requires you to cash out every time you lose 2 cents (2 hits on a machine) thus rounding back up to one dollar and so spending no money. altho this method is potentially infinite it may arouse suspicion when you go to collect your 98 cents from the hostess for the 10th time in a row.
  
  

• 100 hits method

  i would recommend using the 100 hits method which is to put in any amount of money, do 100 hits over the course of the meal and then cash out. pokies are programmed to pay back roughly 90% which should mean that over many meals of 100 one cent hits the average will come to about 10 cents per meal.
  
  

whichever method you choose, make sure to waste a bit of time at the machine to establish that you are indeed a valued patron. once settled make your move to the food. if you are lucky you could be in for pies, quiches, sandwiches, fruit, soft drinks, coffees and more.. if unlucky there may be a selection of mixed nuts.

the purpose of this blog is to help you find the lounge which is right for you!!..

discretion is required when at the food, you may need to make 2 to 3 trips over the course of the meal to get a proper fill.

once finished, be sure to bin any damning evidence, cash out remaining credits and make your way to the exit thanking the hostess on the way out.

congratulations, you have earned yourself

ONE FREE MEAL!